Friendships Are Hard: How Do I Maintain Meaningful Relationships?

Throughout my life, many friends have come and go. I've been in multiple friend groups where people are only there for a season. Like me, you may know MANY people but still feel lonely. As you get older, you start investing in closer, more meaningful relationships. There are different levels of friendship—think of an onion with many layers. The people in the innermost layer are what I'm gonna be talking about. Quality over quantity.

But still, even with those 1, 2, or 5 close friends that we love and would die for, they can disappoint us and make us feel lonely sometimes. As an adult, friendship becomes more difficult due to work, busy schedules, relationships, and different priorities. Here’s what I’ve learned about friendship and how we can nurture those relationships.

We're Imperfect, Broken Beings

First, we need to acknowledge that we are all human and have many flaws. The way we process and handle our emotions differs from one another. You are not perfect, your friend is not perfect, and you will sometimes dissapoint each other, and that’s okay. Especially if you have certain expectations, they will inevitably get crushed, no matter how good of a friend you think you are. You will annoy, irritate, upset, and get petty with one another. But that doesn’t mean the friendship has to end.

Like Any Other Relationships, Communication Is Key

Usually, friendship ends when one distances themselves instead of talking things through. This also leaves the other friend worried and confused. Communicating your feelings is important, or how else will they know that you are hurt, frustrated, angry, or feeling insecure? Give them a chance to hear you out and respond. By doing this, you are also giving them the opportunity to be a good friend and be there for you. I also think knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses is important. If expressing or confrontation is their weakness and reaching out is your strength, then take the initiative.

Forgive and Forget: Grace Over Grudges

This is such an important step, and it’s in your hands. You have the power to hold grudges and bitterness, or the power to let it go and be free. Letting go doesn’t mean the hurt they caused you was okay, but you're acknowledging their flaws and choosing to forgive them and love them for who they are. I guess friendship is also a commitment. After all, you’ll want them to do the same for you. Accept that disappointment will happen, but remember, your friendships are much stronger to overcome it.

Be Intentional With Your Friendship

Life gets busy, but don’t let it consume you. This starts with learning to manage and prioritize your time. It's important to be intentional with your friends—purposefully investing your time and energy in them. You're showing them that you value your relationships and want to be involved in their lives. Quality time is the most precious to me because time is so valuable. When you give me your time, you're showing me that you love me.

Friendship Goes Both Way

It’s important to return the same time and energy your friend gives you. If they’re the only one always inviting you, eventually, they’ll stop. Just as they are being intentional with you, you have to be intentional with them as well. It goes both ways. Be the friend that encourages and builds each other up. Remember true friendship is hard to find.

Proverbs 27:17

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing."

Jesus Is Our Number 1 Best Friend

Everyone will disappoint you—your parents, siblings, partner, and best friends. Why? Because human love is conditional. Only Jesus offers unconditional love. When a friend disappoints or hurts you, remember you have a best friend who has never left your side. And just as Jesus has shown you forgiveness and grace, extend that same forgiveness and grace to your friends.